[title of post at end]

written in and around September 13th

I was lounging around in the living room of my twenties, secure in the thought that having paid in this much equity, I would never have to move. But then I was sitting happy-hour at the local pub, blowing out a cake with twenty nine candles, and out the window I saw moving vans brought to me by imminent domain.

What is a birthday really? We take birthday celebration as a given. And God knows I too am well disposed to unquestioningly receive an opportunity to partydrink. Why? Past about the age of 25, nobody really celebrates aging. The “good” things physical aging brings have ceased and henceforth what physical aging brings us is the long slow descent into the nighttime of death.

So why do we celebrate Birth-day? The fact of birth on that day? This doesn’t seem quite right. Otherwise, we’d be throwing parties for everybody who's been born. With the exception of Jesus, Martin Luther King, and a few dead presidents we generally don’t have birthday parties for dead people.

I suppose it is just that then. We’re not dead yet. When people would start in with the bland, perfunctory “how ya doin’?”, my dad would intone with a weathered optimism “well, I’m not dead yet.” And while he can no longer give that answer, the rest of us can. We have completed one more heliacal circumference without getting ourselves killed in the process. Chalk up another 3-6-5 without being nabbed by cancer, heart disease, running into a wall, terrorist bombing, gangrenous limb, gangland shooting or STD...well not a fatal one at any rate.

Fare thee well, and get your self another Hefewefeisen. Your not dead yet.


Celebrate Life

So my new job in Santa Monica is going fine. I mean, I haven't the slightest idea what I’m doing of course, but they cater breakfast and lunch. I had the turkey avocado club.

Now, my commute, the 110 to downtown, then the 10 west to Santa Monica is, like…let me put it this way: we’ve all been in bad traffic before, but I had never engaged the E-brake. People read the morning paper. My 19 mile drive is 15 minutes shorter than the technician’s, who comes from Ojai. I’m not making this up.

Oh and by the way, I’m glad I now have the internet so I can be reminded of the fact that I never get email and have no life, much more often.

I want to run. I get this urge to run. I don’t want to run away from, I want to run over or through. No. I want to run past. I want to run past my anxiety. My rotting stomach. While a great man, reduced to bones and skin, lays dying, my stomach rots. I want to run past the $74.65 in my checking account. I want to run past the unrequite of my affections.

I want to run past because I want to sleep again. Turning and tossing. Rotting.

I want to run away from my vices.

I’m tired.

today conquer

tomorrow sleep in

[homer simpson voice]

shiny.

http://www.aftonbladet.se/sport/0307/19/serena.jpg

2-12-04
Among my many vices, my addiction to periodical literature may be the most ensconced; with the LA Times at the bottom, Sports Illustrated near the middle and First Things near the top.

Having perused FT’s latest issue I noted Fr. Richard John Neuhaus’ mention of a Bishop speaking publicly and authoritatively on the issue of Catholic politicians and their voting responsibilities. While it’s virtually impossible to improve on Fr. Neuhaus’s insight or his rhetoric, nevertheless I shall endeavor to add my proverbial 2 pennies, for this subject is a special peeve of mine.

The very fine Bishop Raymond Burke formerly of La Crosse and recently appointed to St. Louis, in Father Neuhaus’ words, “reminded them (Catholic Lawmakers of Wisconsin) that, as Catholics, they had a moral duty to protect the innocent, especially the unborn and those threatened by euthanasia.” It seems elemental, however, such an admonition is the exception. That it happened underscores how often it doesn’t happen.

Regarding Catholic lawmakers, the list is long and distinguished: Gov. Arnold Shwazenegger, former Gov. Gray Davis, Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, Ranking Democrat on the Senate Judiciary Committee Patrick Leahy and of course, also on the judiciary committee, fellow Irish Catholic, Ted Kennedy. He makes me so proud. Also on the list is his fellow Massachusetts Senator, one John Kerry. The Governor and former Governor of the most populous state in the country, the two most powerful Democrats in the country, the two ranking Democrats on the senate judiciary committee which confirms the President’s judicial appointments, and the presumptive Democratic Presidential Nominee; all Catholic, all contumaciously pro-choice. Nice.

Yet their respective Bishops remain virtually silent. Maybe its just me, but it seems that, to a Joe Average Catholic, the facilitation and advocacy of the slaughter of thousands of innocents by a fellow Catholic, without repercussion, is well, a bit scandalous.

Fr. Neuhaus often makes the rhetorical but powerful point that the frightened young girl who procures an abortion is excommunicated latae sententiae(automatically) but the politician who thoughtfully and repeatedly tells her it is her right to do so and works to secure her right to do so is welcomed at the altar.

In his book, What Went Wrong with Vatican II, Ralph McInerny argues that it was not the council, so much as it was the “Crisis of Authority” that arose after the papal encyclical Humanae Vitae that led to many of the problems cited today. The Pope said one thing, highly pedigreed theologians said the opposite. Then, with said opposition not having been authoritatively dealt with, much of the laity, not being theologians themselves, felt adrift as to what to think.

Whether one agrees with this argument on the sometimes volatile discussion that is Vatican II, it seems that there is something of a piece going on here. “I guess if Senator Kennedy can be at the forefront of the abortion cause for thirty years and still receive the sacraments, it's not a huge deal if I'm a little pro-choice?”

Upon review, I suppose the last two paragraphs are just a wordy explication of what it is for something to be a scandal, but witness the decay wrought by decades of moral reluctance:

In those rare events where a Catholic lawmaker is reminded of their duty as it pertains to their political life, the responses (and for that matter, the respect shown to their arch bishop) have ranged from patronizing contempt to virtual taunt:

1) Democratic Senator Julie Lassa responding to Bishop Burke. “I’m concerned that the bishop would pressure legislators to vote according to the dictates of the Church…”

2) In early 2003, then Gov. Davis’ office criticized Bishop Wiegand of Sacramento for “telling the faithful how to practice their faith,” and that the bishop’s statement was “sad.”

3) Senator Kennedy to a pro-life journalist regarding the bishops, “Its their problem not mine.”

4) Senator Kerry to the same journalist, “If the bishops can’t or won’t do anything about that, don’t come to me. You know what I’m saying?”

"…the Catholic people certainly deserve a more adequate explanation of what appears to be episcopal indifference to prominent Catholics who in explicit and persistent defiance of the Church’s teaching, promote and abet the 'abominable crime' (Vatican II) of abortion."
Fr. Neuhaus, First Things, October 2003

You know what I’m saying?

unfortunately, there is a part of me that hopes these quotes arent true, but I know better.


http://boundless.org/features/a0000860.html

http://gfx.dagbladet.no/sport/2002/11/06/sdfwer.jpg

Today I got to say, "sorry I couldnt get back to you. I was in Beverly Hills casting for my film." It was so deliciously ostentatious.

Nor was it entirely true.

Its not really my film.

But, from the snotty eight year old with an agent, to the 81 year old Elwood Carlisle who seemed to be coked up, randomly yelling, Tourette's style, "Fantastic!", it was a modifying day.

We even had sushi for lunch. [of course, Id rather eat a big bowl of Whiskas than eat a california roll, but thats beside the point]

The room next ours was casting for a feature length film, starring three young women. Yes. A seven hour parade of Hollywood starlet hopefuls; ranging from lots of 'tude, to [walk up to table where I and another guy were sitting with sign in sheets for our respective films] "...is this where I sign?" [paul, with idiotic grin, knowing whats about to happen], "yes." And then she'd sign the paper.